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The Tao of Spaz

...making sense of it all

a Raven holding Still
I am the child that was sired
at the coupling of Beauty and the Earth
My touch is tenderness.
Chaos is my breath.
I flap my wings and fan the flames
The ravages in my wake
I claim not.

I am the muse, the bellwether,
the mamma in the earth
because I am the way I am.
Inspiration is my mark.
Good-bye is my curse.
I am the whirlwind, too.
At times, the whirligig.

~written (by me, silly)
sometime around August 2004

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Actual Bio:
Wisdom from the side of a mug: "Life is not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." I'm a work-in-progress, but here's what I've got so far...

I am a 31-year-old mother-of-two & Microsoft Wife, married to my high school sweetheart. (Unfortunately, it’s not as storybook as it sounds. I did marry someone else for several years; we’re still really good friends & close co-parents of our daughter.)

Apparently, I’m a, now-let’s-use-the-technical-term-here, ‘Super Genius,’ but my current long-term geek-out is my children. I’m also a sometimes-artist, maybe more of a once-upon-a-time artist. I currently have a painting up in my husband’s office, but that's about the extent of my showable work these days.

I am a Latter-day Saint, a.k.a. a 'Mormon,' though some of you who may have met me in the last three years may not know it. For that I am sorry. I made a break with the church in late 2002 in the midst of one of the most painful, confusing, torturous times of my life. I have since (as of late 2005) reclaimed my faith and rebuilt my testimony of the gospel. I won't beat you over the head with it, though I may slide you a Book of Mormon with the missionaries' number in it--if I really like you. ;)

I read a lot, and I like to write, mostly on blogs for the last few years, but I am currently working on my first few print offerings. I take a really academic approach to most things in my life (including religion and parenting). So, that’s my stuff.

What kind of person am I? Well, I’m the one that goes to the diner and has the waitress sit down at her table and ask if she can talk about her day. I’m the one that complete strangers on elevators ask for advice. I’m the friend that friends call when life goes topsy-turvy. I don’t know why. I’m a listener--even when I don’t ask to be. It must be something in my eyes.

I try a lot to contribute to the net amount of Good in the world, even in little ways like going mall smiling during the holidays when people are, ironically, so crappy to each other. I do the best I can with what I have, and try always to become more than I am. A good friend once told me that you must always be willing to tear your current self down in the interest of who you may become, and I’ve taken that to heart.

I am what I call “a child of Beauty,” and I enjoy sifting through my life looking for other ones. It’s more than aesthetics, or even passion. Joie de vivre, and then some. Smart, eccentric, eclectic, beauty-full. You know us when you see us. We live a little louder, feel a little deeper, and are just plain inexplicably a little more colorful than everyone else.

Of course, there’s always that ghost of “something more,” and that one used to get me in to trouble sometimes, but I’ve gotten much better. It used to act up, and I'd end up going out and getting a job or starting in on some other hare-brained something-or-other for a few months and realizing that what I have here at home really is what it’s all about.